Someone else called the same name, three times the same
December 11, 2018 at 10:34:20 PM GMT+1
Space is the time you need to go to someone else,
space is the time you need to go to someone else,
– said Jean-Luc Godard in an interview, in 1978.
All three of his wives were called the same name –
Anna, Anne, Anne-Marie.
January 23, 2019 at 1:22:10 AM GMT+2
I heard somewhere (and I believed it straight away) that where one relationship ends, the next eventually reaches, encountering the same problems, or perhaps the same way of difficulties, dynamic wise. People break up because they are not able to solve problems and because they believe problems must be solved. Instead of being observed as paradoxes.
January 24, 2019 at 10:31:21 AM GMT+1
This song by Brian Eno that I keep humming –
Here we are, stuck by this river, you and I underneath a sky that's ever falling down down down, ever falling down.
You talk to me as if from the distance
And I reply
With impressions chosen from another time, time, time
From another time.
This is my break up song. It always was.
January 24, 2019 at 12:52:10 PM GMT+2
A paradox, called river,
because you can't enter the same river twice.
A paradox, called Anna, Anne, Anna-Marie,
As if we keep meeting the same people over and over again.
August 24, 2019 at 10:32:20 AM GMT+2
Finally, after a long time
I met someone else
called the same name
Three times the same
November 24, 2019 at 00:31:36 AM GMT+2
Right around then, when the fights start, I start watching couple therapists and relationship guru videos. Everything from Esther Perel to John Gottman, to Gary Chapman (the first 15 minutes are hard and the last 10 are bizarre) to Irina Khakamada, to Chocolate for the Soul, to Sacred Femininity. I meet my old friend Oxana:
– Yeah yeah. She says, chewing.
– the strong women who finally found their inner selves and keep wearing high-heels, make-up and all those gel-nails, and tantra teachers in connection with 'the source'. I know it, dear. Her eyes grow wide.
– I saw once this young woman who inspired me, then I looked up her partner, a guru too,
and I got so surprised that she is with him,
because his jokes are too straight forward
because he is a century ago kinda man
because he is strong, good looking and he swims in the lake every morning
(while she does her yoga, meditation and smoothies), that's cool,
she is wiser than him,
deeper and stronger than him,
brighter and lighter that him,
and she calls him her teacher! Then I realise that the ex-fashion model relationship guru wearing high heels and gel manicure, her partner is also tremendously lower level than her and she is more profound and deep and strong and the guy is a man, a worker, a provider, but he is so young, he may change his mind.
– I know, Oxana, me too. Or perhaps this is a cultural code we are coming from and this Eastern European agenda is not working for us?
– Ok, perhaps I shouldn't compare the two partners, maybe that's true, let's be humble. We are eating out and speaking in Russian, there is a slight chance the lady by the window understands us.
– Maybe that's the life lesson, we just learn from each other, right. We just share and grow together to this enormous eternity. But how about the wrongs and harms of positive thinking? I mean, why are these fantastic women with these men?
– Yes, but! Then you know this emotionally focused couple therapy.
– Emotionally focused – what is that? I am always emotionally focused; in fact I am too emotionally focused! She juts her chin forward, almost off her neck, with her big eyes, chewing.
– I know, Oxana, me too!
I am counting my every single word in a fight and measuring the distances
of each and single vector of attention,
I know that attention is the driving force,
wherever you put your attention there things grow,
there things happen, it's like a camera,
you only see things filmed through the lens, and the rest of the world is happening unregistered for you. This is the metaphor for the attention and its power to shape things, to create films, man. It's a science.
In my relationship, I am driving this giant submarine
the ship moves through the strata of feelings and emotions, layers and underwater canyons, I am super conscious to not hit my partner's wounds.
The ship's got one eye and through that eye I watch carefully. I am so concentrated
when I am fighting. I do not spill extra fuel on anything.
Yet years later I realise
I had wasted so much energy
and still not sure where is it getting to. To the same person over and over again?
– Maybe that's why I end up with shy sensitive men who have financial problems? Ox looks at me.
– Also because the future is female.
– When will it kick into my thirty something head that I am the most important person on the earth? I know it, it just has to kick in, you know it?
– Yes. But you know, this mindfulness privatised the social problem. I repeat a sentence from the article. We are one of seven billion people.
– But it's true, dear! Now I'm sooo done with it!
I love Oxana. And she loves conspiracy theories.
Monika Lipšic is a curator, artist and writer based in Vilnius, Lithuania. She is interested in how certain literary tools like metaphors and representations of absurdity shape reality and help solve social, political and interpersonal problems.
She engages curatorial methods to present art in its complexity to the subjects of history, writing and rewriting and identity politics among other themes. From 2012–2016 Monika worked as a curator at the Contemporary Art Centre (CAC), Vilnius, then for few years she curated, produced and performed performance art in European organisations including Nomas Foundation, Rome; Kunstverein, Amsterdam; STUK, Leuven and others.
Together with architecture researcher and curator Jurga Daubaraitė they founded the travelling artists’ residency JOY & MIRROR. She is also curating the digital video platform about diaspora artists and global migrating culture called thegoodneighbour.lt
In 2017 she curated a solo show by Slavs and Tatars (Berlin) in CAC, Vilnius and a group show ‘The Future Is Certain; It’s the Past Which Is Unpredictable’ at Calvert22 Foundation, London than Blaffer Art Museum, Houston (2018). She was nominated CEC Artslink Award (2017) and was in a residency at CCA Wattis, San Francisco.
Currently together with a colleague Ieva Sriebaliūtė they research the Eastern European cultural identity through an image of a map of a shifting zone with changing content. monikalipsic.com
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