the night shines like the day (failed sonnets/fail compilation)


Faith Wilson

dear god

 

when you abandoned me

in the lounge room

of the stranger’s house

 

i was staying at in canada

i drank lots and started smoking

and i thought

 

shit

i’ve been feeling emotions

so strongly my entire life

 

and all this time

i could have numbed them!

 

self-fulfilling prophecy

 

my mum said

its witchcraft to have your tarot read

you will be cursed to fulfil it

 

so i switched to horoscopes

instead and now i gaze

at my chart for hours

 

worried about the stellium

in my 7th house of relationships

and pluto in my 5th

 

waiting in vain for love to leave

before it even arrives.


art fail

 

when i try to be

an artist

all i end up doing

 

is staying in bed

eating 2 minute noodles

watching shortland street

 

eventually falling asleep

only to wake up

staring at the big

 

pile of books next to my bed

read me they are saying, but i’m too tired.

 

fancy dress

 

i went to a fancy dress party

when i was five

dressed up

 

as a Samoan

i am Samoan

but i didn’t wanna

 

dress up as one

so i took off my costume

as soon as mum had left

 

and it’s still sitting there at the party

but now i’m too big to fit it.

 

bad pronunciation

 

i hate it when

people don’t pronounce

te reo Māori

 

correctly like i

REALLY fucking hate

it and will correct you

 

if you say it wrong

i just started a new job

and my boss still says marrreeyy

 

and every time my face contorts

but i stay silent…

 

self love failure

 

i fuckin love

myself

don’t get me wrong

 

and i fucking love

all the cool insta peeps

who say it’s okay to have flaws

 

and i really fuckin love

that i’m beginning to accept myself

as a goddess

 

but i still wake up each day a human

with a hurting head and heart.

 

self love win

 

i forgive myself

for being human

it’s pretty freeing

 

even though it

takes a bit of getting

used to being your

 

imperfect self

so here i am

comfortable

 

in my own skin

warts and all.

 

the night shines like the day

for bennett, who taught me how to fail

 

after my first relationship

i decided that i wouldn’t

enter another one

 

until i was the perfect

girlfriend and then you

found me

 

masquerading

in the sunlight

and i thought that was the only

 

way to love me but you love me in

the night too, in the dark.

 

Faith Wilson is an artist and writer who lives in Te Whanganui-a-Tara, Aotearoa. Her practice is mostly about herself or those she loves and all...


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