Issue 34: Failure
dear god
when you abandoned me
in the lounge room
of the stranger’s house
i was staying at in canada
i drank lots and started smoking
and i thought
shit
i’ve been feeling emotions
so strongly my entire life
and all this time
i could have numbed them!
–
self-fulfilling prophecy
my mum said
its witchcraft to have your tarot read
you will be cursed to fulfil it
so i switched to horoscopes
instead and now i gaze
at my chart for hours
worried about the stellium
in my 7th house of relationships
and pluto in my 5th
waiting in vain for love to leave
before it even arrives.
–
art fail
when i try to be
an artist
all i end up doing
is staying in bed
eating 2 minute noodles
watching shortland street
eventually falling asleep
only to wake up
staring at the big
pile of books next to my bed
read me they are saying, but i’m too tired.
–
fancy dress
i went to a fancy dress party
when i was five
dressed up
as a Samoan
i am Samoan
but i didn’t wanna
dress up as one
so i took off my costume
as soon as mum had left
and it’s still sitting there at the party
but now i’m too big to fit it.
–
bad pronunciation
i hate it when
people don’t pronounce
te reo Māori
correctly like i
REALLY fucking hate
it and will correct you
if you say it wrong
i just started a new job
and my boss still says marrreeyy
and every time my face contorts
but i stay silent…
–
self love failure
i fuckin love
myself
don’t get me wrong
and i fucking love
all the cool insta peeps
who say it’s okay to have flaws
and i really fuckin love
that i’m beginning to accept myself
as a goddess
but i still wake up each day a human
with a hurting head and heart.
–
self love win
i forgive myself
for being human
it’s pretty freeing
even though it
takes a bit of getting
used to being your
imperfect self
so here i am
comfortable
in my own skin
warts and all.
–
the night shines like the day
for bennett, who taught me how to fail
after my first relationship
i decided that i wouldn’t
enter another one
until i was the perfect
girlfriend and then you
found me
masquerading
in the sunlight
and i thought that was the only
way to love me but you love me in
the night too, in the dark.
Faith Wilson is an artist and writer who lives in Te Whanganui-a-Tara, Aotearoa. Her practice is mostly about herself or those she loves and all the things that being herself and loving people entail.
Runway Journal acknowledges the custodians of the nations our digital platform reaches. We extend this acknowledgement to all First Nations artists, writers and audiences.
Runway Journal is assisted by the Australian Government through the Australia Council, its arts funding and advisory body.
Runway Journal receives project support from the NSW Government through Create NSW.
Runway Journal acknowledges the custodians of the nations our digital platform reaches. We extend this acknowledgement to all First Nations artists, writers and audiences.
Runway Journal is assisted by the Australian Government through the Australia Council, its arts funding and advisory body.
Runway Journal receives project support from the NSW Government through Create NSW.