My beloved namesake, the supreme expert on all matters of etiquette, Emily Post, once said:
“There is no reason why you should be bored when you can be otherwise…life is too short to waste it in drawing blanks. Therefore, it is up to you to find as many pictures to put on your blank pages as possible.”
I could not agree more.
My dear readers, over the next few weeks I shall endeavour to explore with you the delicate topic of pornography. It is, if you may indulge me, a matter of personal etiquette for many. Ms Post once said:
“Good Manners reflect something from inside – an innate sense of consideration for others and respect for self.”
Indeed. We all have needs and desires, and whether that be for a cup of tea or a multiracial outdoor gangbang, it should be considered. It should be satisfying. It should be good. In our society, many sexual faux pas happens as a result of misunderstanding or simply disregarding certain social norms. Now, social norms, often driven by unhelpful heteronormative stereotypes, can be unhelpful I do concur. They can be anachronistic and gender-limiting.
But, in our increasingly visual, internet-driven culture, our private actions in the boudoir are being ever more informed by the mirroring instinct of watching pornography. I think it therefore vital as a point of contemporary masturbatory, muff munching, mudeye and muscle rod manners, that we be well heeled in all things streaming sexual and stimulatory or downloaded. That way, like a fine wine, we can impress with our taste, our informed requests, and our sophisticated notions of consent. Of course, you will say, there is unethical porn out there. I do not disagree at all. The purpose of this blog is to engage in porn as a site of pleasure. This pleasure must be for all involved, not just the spectator. To that end, I have advised ALL experts that we are to discuss only, to the best of our endeavours, that sex which appears satisfactory to all involved. And for which there is legal, informed consent. We shall leave the darker side of this experience for another day.
I will therefore hear from a number of influential sources – authorities if you like, on the matter of porn. Beginning with a humorous account of one lady’s experiences with porn, we then proceed to the much-maligned voice of female cum. Maligned, as female pleasure is often maligned not only in the medical journals, but also in the general consciousness. Etiquette is not about just being clean, you know. About mopping up your food and not splashing. When it comes to sex, as Cum has astutely reminded me, etiquette is about getting messy. About getting wet and being considerate enough to get another wet.
We then move onto what young people these days call a ‘mash up’ of fan fiction, to an interview with a repressed self in the form of an angry old woman (this should be interesting). Finally, the series will end with two interviews, one with a lady who formally studied porn theory at Columbia University, and a discussion between two emerging lady artists about their porn habits and tastes.
I hope that this will be enlightening to you all, and that it might aid you to fill your ‘blanks’ with copious copulating images.
Too-da-loo for now!
Emily Post Coitus