An account of my encounters with porn

Emily Post Coitus

When I was 14 I discovered pornography on our home computer accidentally through a pop up, and I knew what to do. Two weeks later my mother called a family meeting about a $300 internet bill that was for some reason coming via Afghanistan because of a pornography session on our home computer. “I dunno” I said “must be dad” and sauntered off.

Years later when my sister gave me “Porn Land – HOW PORN HIJACKS OUR SEXUALITY” for a Christmas present, I thanked her graciously, and slid it onto my bedroom shelf without ever reading a line.  I’d just spent two and a half years watching Japanese Hentai and masturbating to tentacle porn because I felt guilty and complicit watching real women being filmed in such situations.  I didn’t need to read Gail Dines to understand how pornography had started to affect our sex, I had gone out into the field; I had slept with people who were born in the 90’s.

After consuming the entire history of Hentai pornography I moved on. And last year when I read the ‘2015 pornhub top ten search terms’ I saw myself reflected back. Millions of us, all looking up ‘squirting’!  Not because we fetishise an unpredictable burst of spray, but because we can be sure this kind of shoot doesn’t require painkillers or end in surgery. It’s not violent.

Undoubtedly the women involved in such liquid porn endure some seriously painful sex: you can spot it in their flinching and grimacing captured in the harsh light of the mainstream porn set. The industry is rife with cervix bashing and badly planned anal.  The women who work in it are a pretty gutsy bunch; they openly defy our cultural expectations and bravely endure the social vilification that follows.

It is because there are women in it that women need to look at it. Rather than turning away from porn, I am calling all women to turn to porn, to regularly ‘search term’ their interests and ‘rate’ the videos they watch, thus deftly guiding the pornographic ship into calmer waters.  And don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean “Ahoy there romance porn”. I’m a working woman who has 5 minutes. So yes, make it dirty. Transgression is a big part of pornographic arousal: to deny this is to deny our 12 billion dollar lust for it. But we need to make it equal (ly degrading) for both genders and 95% pain free.

Emily Post-Coitus

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